


Vax Does Unhealthy Things So I Do Not

by your_cringy_father



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: But he's in love with her, College AU, Depression Fuck, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Modern AU, Please do not do this, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Esteem Issues, Traumatized character, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, and she's in love with him, but gods know neither of them are gonna say anything about it, kind of, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:34:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23746918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/your_cringy_father/pseuds/your_cringy_father
Summary: What it says on the tin.Trigger warning for sexual conduct, toxic behavior, slight manipulation, and traumatization via parental figure.Vax has a therapist and his name is Caduceus.Also depression sex.
Relationships: Keyleth/Vax'ildan (Critical Role), Vax'ildan & Vex'ahlia (Critical Role)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 34





	Vax Does Unhealthy Things So I Do Not

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning for: sexual conduct, toxic behavior, slight manipulation, and traumatization via parental figure (father).

Vax keeps reminding himself that he’s being unhealthy.

His therapist said some of his coping mechanisms, while valid, were unhealthy to himself-- to others. 

So why is he here? He’s standing outside Keyleth’s dorm room, two buildings over. It’s late, nearly 2 in the morning but he can see her lights on from under the door. She’s probably studying, working on her PHD. Vax can’t count the amount of times he’s asked himself how he managed to be friends with her. This brilliant, fantastic, advocate for human rights. Kiki was the first one there to the native hawaiian protest against the construction of another shitty tourist trap on her ancestor’s land. It was her family’s birthright that they were making bright mascots on and that made her twice as pissed then usual at rallys. 

That was probably the first time Vax realized he was in love with her. 

Her passion, her determination. She was his moral compass and understanding of right and wrong. Keyleth had said on multiple occasions that she’d do the worst for him, that she cared about him and his mental health. 

He’s already yelling at himself in his head how toxic he’s being, but he’s knocking on her door again. 

Keyleth opens the door and Vax is leaning heavily on her doorway threshold. Keyleth’s dark brown eyes smooth over from the soft comforting swirl to the mess of concern and worry he instills in her. Her bright orange hair is pulled back into a bun, headband across her scalp to hold back the smaller more stubborn hairs from her vision. And fuck, her beautiful features, a vision of beauty like a goddess. 

“Vax,” Her voice is heartbroken and weary, “What happened?” 

He’s already shaking his head, lips pulled into a thin line, tears threatening to spill. Vax doesn’t want to get into it, he doesn’t want to feel and he doesn’t want to hear about how he can improve. Right now, he wants to forget. He wants to feel anything else. 

“Please.” He rasps, hand reaching out and taking her hand into his. 

“Vax.” Keyleth sighs, pulling him into the room and shutting the door behind him. As soon as the door shuts, he’s mouthing at her neck, arms wrapping warmly around her torso. She’s warm and soft, safe. He wants to live in this moment forever, breathing in her sharp smell of cinnamon and fresh laundry. She’s mumbling something, but none of it is registering. 

“Please, Kik,” He mumbles into her shoulder, thumb tracing her hip line, “Please, I need you.” 

She sighs and runs her hands through his long dark hair, fingers getting caught in knots. 

Vax can practically hear the gears in her head turning, and he relishes the few more kisses he pecks across her collarbone before she gently holds his chin and pulls back. 

“Hold on,” She huffs, “What happened?” 

He blinks, confused. Vax must be pretty transparent, because she immediately snorts at his perplexed expression, “Why are you here again?” 

“I don’t wanna talk about it Kik.” Vax grumbles.

“Vax, this is the fifth time this week you’ve come to…” She blushes and clears her throat, but barrels on, “You’ve come to me. It’s not that I don’t erm--Enjoy the moment but… I’m worried.” 

“You don’t have to be.” He says, fingers dancing up her back, “I just need a break from all of this sometimes.” 

“Sometimes-- is okay, Vax. Every day-- is not.” She clarifies, “You’re amazing, angel, and I love our times together. But I don’t want to… I don’t wanna be your fix. I wanna be your friend first.” 

He sighs, letting his forehead slump against her shoulder. Keyleth waits patiently, feeling her victory and continues unknotting his hair, idly tracing the lines across his cheeks and down the exposed arms his tank top reveals. 

“My father.” Vax starts, swallowing hard around the rock in his throat. His ever persistent mantra in his head starts shouting again; I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. 

Keyleth is already scowling. She’s met him before and later mentioned how close she came to punching his lights out. 

“He found my number yesterday, Kik. Started calling me non-stop. Shit about how I was being a bad dau--” Vax bites hard on his lip, “A bad kid. For not checking up on him. Something about how he knew I had something to do with the recent break-in of one of his buildings-- Kik I haven’t even been back to that fucking place in years--” 

Keyleth hushes him. “It’s okay, Vax, I believe you. I promise. You’ve been working so hard in your classes, none of us have time to even hang out! Much less leave the campus for a few hours.” She chuckles.   
Vax chokes in a sob and his hands clench in her tank top, bundling up the clothing. He knows she doesn’t mind. Her hand rubs soft circles into his back as she whispers her trust in his words. 

“I wanna feel out of this, out of all of this right now. I wanna forget about him and about Vex crying…” He feels tears slip out and down his cheeks, pooling on his chin like two rivers merging in a creek, “She cried for hours, Keyleth. I couldn’t do anything to help. I had to call over Pike to calm her down because I was just so shocked myself. What kind of brother can’t help his own sister?” He chuckles wetly. 

Keyleth waits and listens. 

“I wanna forget Kik, please--”

“We will talk, alright?” She says, her eyes big, doe-eyed and sad.

“Please.” He says, not even sure why he’s still talking.

“After, we will. I-I know you need this right now.” She sighs, though guilt flashes through her features. She knows it’s wrong. He knows it’s wrong. Vax should stop right then. A better man would say it wasn’t ok to put her in this position, ask her to never let him do this again and force himself to open up. Draw, write, breathe. Find something constructive to do. 

But Vax is not a better man and the pain of that single realization is enough to let Keyleth push him onto his back on her bed. This makes him feel worthy, feel good, feel right again. Like getting justice for his crimes. He knows she’ll hurt him, but not for any malice. 

After the first time he went to her, teary-eyed and begging, she made him promise if he was to continue this way, to not go to anyone else with favors like this. Because Keyleth knows that he would and with worse people. People who wouldn’t ask if he was ok, let him safeword out, both partners clean and tested. People who would hurt him without his consent. People who would take advantage of him. 

At least, with her, she knows he’s safer than he could be. She could never get entirely rid of her moral compass, no matter how corrupt Vax makes it. 

Within seconds, she’s dropping into her dominant persona, face hardening to one of disinterest and discontent that Vax desires. That alone makes him shift heavily into sub space, already whining for release seconds into the experience. 

Tight hands around his wrists, shirt riding up and shoved in between his teeth. Nails digging into his thighs and scraping up thin lines of red over his stomach. Push, push. Push. Push. It hurts, and he doesn’t ask her to stop. 

She’s quickly bringing him to a begging stupor, hot tears running down his face. She’s rocking her fingers into him, with every touch taking him further and further away from the stress of life, of trauma. Keyleth doesn’t mean to, but her rough demeanor falls away to a soft and caring one. It’s her loving nature that sends him over the edge, rubbing the tears from his cheeks and whispering sweet, kind, words of praise into the crook of his neck. 

Keyleth tells him that he’s worthy, and for a second, with her, Vax can believe it.


End file.
